


Bruises and Bookmarks

by JaeTheBae



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, It starts cute-ish then gets angsty then they heal together, M/M, Non-Graphic Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, eventual angst, im so sorry, slowburn-ish, trans!patton
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-18 08:41:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14209380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaeTheBae/pseuds/JaeTheBae
Summary: Virgil doesn't know how to handle the new regular at the bookshop he works at. He's a little in love, a little confused, and he has no clue just how deeply  Patton will change his life.





	Bruises and Bookmarks

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers in the tags! But I don't want anyone to start the fic unprepared, y'know. This fic will get kind of dark, there is abuse, self harm, lots of anxiety and panic and PTSD responses planned in this fic. I hope to portray this accurately, from my own experience and that of others that has been shared with me, as well as the connection that can come from taking care of each other in our darkest hours. Yes there will be a happy ending! Just gotta wait uhhh 10+ more chapters for it!!

        Virgil snuffled tiredly against the stuffy. warm air of the old bookshop. Pale yellow sunlight fell through the front wall of windows and handful of musty skylights, illuminating dancing dustmotes. Virgil slumped over the single cash register, the hood of his well-loved black hoodie pulled up to keep the light out of his tired, heavy eyes. Nearing the end of a long, slow 10 hour shift, Virgil was practically asleep on his feet. Just as his eyelids finally drooped closed and his head began to bow towards his chest, the bell on the door handle jingled, startling him back to alertness. 

        Now standing in the doorway was a short - well, compared to Virgil’s 6’3 - chubby man, maybe mid-20’s, with his dark brown hair swept back in a messy quiff. He was undeniably  _ adorable,  _ in a baby blue button up and soft looking grey cardigan. But… Something about him put Virgil on edge. Sure, he was totally unintimidating despite how truly devastatingly cute he was, but that wasn’t it. He looked familiar in a way that stirred more acid than butterflies in Virgil’s stomach. 

         “Uh, hi!” Virgil flinched, having failed to notice the man approaching him, too caught up in trying to put his face to a name or memory. 

         “H-Hello, can I help you find something?” Virgil stammered, standing up straighter while maintaining his signature slouch. Up close, he could see the freckles that dappled the stranger’s face, clustered thickest across his nose and cheekbones. His eyes were a deep, cheerful brown. Virgil hoped he didn’t look the mix of sick and smitten he felt. 

         “I sure hope so,” The man laughed brightly. “I’m looking for a birthday gift for someone special, actually.” 

         “Yeah. of course.” Virgil’s heart raced. The man’s laugh was so warm and genuine, it eased some of the tension from Virgil’s racing heart and the butterflies made a valiant effort not to melt in his stomach, now.  _ I am such a useless gay.  _ Virgil lamented to himself. “Who- who’s it for?” 

         The man smiled sweetly and looked down, blushing. 

         “My fiance, actually. He’s so hard to shop for, y’know, but you can’t go wrong with a book!” 

         The butterflies lost the war, melted to gross goop.  _ Stupid, stupid, stupid.  _ Virgil put on a polite smile.

         “Of course. What kind of books is he interested in?” The man smiled wider, but his eyes looked a little lost, now. 

        “Well, he’s super, super smart, so definitely something intelligent? Um, I know he likes Kant.” 

        “Excuse me?”

        “Immanuel Kant, the philosopher! I  _ Kant  _ believe you’ve never heard of him!” The man broke into another musical giggle. 

        “Right.” Virgil cringed inwardly at his own awkwardness as he shuffled around the counter to show the man to the small philosophy section sandwiched between the gardening books and self help manuals. The shelves drooped with fat books in plain colors. Virgil couldn’t remember the last time he’d ventured this far back into the store, most customers came in for used textbooks and tacky romance novels, both shelved near the front for convenience. Virgil stood back as the man scanned the titles. 

        “Well, I’ll leave you to browse.” Virgil excused himself and quickly made his way back to his position at the register, glad to be out of sight behind several bookcases. He dropped his head into his hands with a weary sigh. It was just like him to develop a crush on a nameless stranger, an  _ engaged  _ nameless stranger, at  _ work. Not like I stood a chance anyways _ . 

        Virgil wallowed in embarrassment and anxiety in the moments it took the man to return with his arms full of books. 

        “I just couldn’t decide.” He announced excitedly, dropping his stack in front of Virgil. Virgil scanned each book’s barcode in slow succession, enjoying the man’s animated chattering. He smiled and nodded appropriately as he reached to exchange coupon for cash. 

       “By the way, my name’s Patton.” The man, Patton, added as their hands lightly brushed in the exchange. Virgil snatched his hand back like he’d been shocked, but maintained his customer service smile out of habit. 

       “Virgil.” And his nerves rioted as Patton left the store with a pleasant goodbye. 

 

        Virgil spent the last 20 minutes of his shift, plus the bus ride home, feeling restless and beating himself up for how easily he made a blushing, jumpy fool of himself in front of a cute boy. He felt as if he’d gone through a million emotions in the few minutes he’d spent around Patton. Anxiety, always, and a strange affection and fondness, disappointment, and then that nagging, uncomfortable familiarity. It was a lot to process, but Virgil swore to himself he’d let it go and forget about Patton and his genuine smiles.  _ I’ll never see him again, I need to chill the fuck out.  _

       Nonetheless, late that night, Virgil laid awake thinking of his smile as his stomach tied in knots. 


End file.
